Shinstickle S. Doorman

Shinstickle S. Doorman is an online phenomenon and troll portrayed by Canadian self-proclaimed comedian Simon Drouin.

History
Shinstickle was born in Michigan sometime between 1957 and 1960. His father, Shitstickle Burner, was a doorman, and his mother, Teresa S. Coldstain, was a teacher in Toronto, Canada. There is much debate on what race Shinstickle is. Some claim that he is white, and carries "non-mongrel blood", while others say that he’s black due to many of his characteristics. Raised by a homeless street dancer, Shinstickle signed a record deal with Italian label Wwww. Inc. in the late 70s. While signed, he recorded a piece for his upcoming debut single "I Love Faggotry". Upon release, it topped the billboard charts, becoming number one in Mexico and Venezuela. After a successful one-hit wonder, Shinstickle moved to Africa. Not much is known about his stay there. In 1986, Shinstickle became a male stripper, appearing in several naked ads that would later be banned because why the fuck not. A year or two following the nudes, Shinstickle decided to finally achieve something in his useless life, and become a doorman, hence his last name. While this career worked out for him, many believed this to be a publicity stunt at the time, and he was mocked. Shinstickle obviously didn’t like that, and packed his bags and became an online sensation by night.

The oldest post ever made by Shinstickle on a Internet forum was on January 15, 1996. It simply said "Hey Guys". Since that very first post, Shinstickle became known on the Internetz as "Shitposter Doorman".